It has been awhile since I’ve written. It’s not that things haven’t been occurring in our TBI world. It’s that I start feeling like a broken record when I post, especially about repeated topics or instances. I do not want to bore anyone reading. Today, a few things happened though that I think worth sharing. Well, one happened today and the other I just heard about today but it happened a couple of weeks ago.
The first happened today at the local WinCo. My dear husband was out running some errands and stopped at the grocery store. (See my previous posts on the trials and tribulations of grocery shopping.) John was sniffling and coughing (allergy related) and was not wearing a face covering. (I am not getting into the rights and wrongs of mask wearing or not. He just wasn’t wearing one.)
He made it to the line to check out and a fellow shopper who was wearing full PPE was giving John the stink eye because John wasn’t wearing a mask and was coughing and such. According to John, the man was flat out staring at him but not saying anything. God bless him, John looked at the man, after a good nasal snort, and said, “It’s not COVID. I’ve been HIV positive for 10 years and I’m having issues with that.” John said the guy was about to do back flips to get away from him. Of course, this is not true.
I share this example because it shows the lack of a filter and empathy my husband has. I believe this is related to his TBI. Thank the lord that John seems to keep comments like this inside when I am out with him. I would be mortified. I said to John tonight, “We don’t know his story. Maybe he is severely immunocompromised or has something else going on.” Basically, telling John that he shouldn’t of been so crass.
The second thing which I heard about today but happened at the lake a couple of weeks ago. John and a friend went on a guy’s trip fishing. Both John and the friend are diagnosed through the VA with the infamous TBI/PTSD rating. Both are combat vets. They were launching the boat and saw a man nearby also getting his boat ready. The man was wearing a hat or shirt that said, “Operation PTSD. Heavily Medicated for your Protection.” This really bothered both my husband and our friend. John asked the man if he served. The guy said yes, that he’d served in the Air Force in Qatar during the first Gulf War. John was in that war too and said, “Hmm..I don’t recall there being any direct fire occurring in Qatar.” The guy agreed, saying, “There wasn’t; but there could have been.” John essentially told the guy that they didn’t appreciate him wearing the shirt because it’s things like that, that give guys with the ratings of PTSD a bad rap.
Who knows what that guy experienced or didn’t experience in his time in the service. I tend to agree though. Why flout your issues, opinions, and whatnot in that way? It is generally in bad taste. Something like that can’t be taken in a good way anyways. For guys that actually saw combat and experienced trauma, when someone wears something like that and does so to scare others into thinking they are a bad ass, it is uncalled for and extremely disrespectful to those guys that might actually be able to call themselves a bad ass but are gentlemen enough not to. Or, to those veterans that suffer from PTSD type issues (nightmares, inability to sleep, sensitivity to loud noises, hating events like July 4th, avoiding people, and more) but who are trying to deal with their issues. Things like that cheapen their ordeal and foster fear from civilians who are aware of PTSD and know about veterans experience with PTSD symptoms only by what they hear on the television, which is generally sensationalized.
Who knows though. Maybe that guy also has a TBI and doesn’t make great decisions because of it. Again, we don’t know other people’s stories. I wish most of us would try harder to simply be kinder to each other.
TBI Spouse (and Others) 
Hi Erin, I was wondering if you were still posting. The lack of filter is classic TBI. My late husband was never formally diagnosed with a TBI, but was in a bad car accident in college – unconscious for 3 days. This was in 1959 and TBI really wasn’t diagnosed back then if the person woke up and could walk and talk. But once I learned about this accident, it made sense of some of Rich’s behaviors. For several years after the accident, he made some very impulsive decisions, like declining a full ride scholarship to grad school at Columbia University because he wanted to join the Marines and “see the world.” Also, he was a meticulous list maker and planner, strategies he developed on his own long before I met him. But the lack of filter only showed up if he had more than one beer, which was rare. Once on a cruise, one of the people at our table said “I don’t think income affects people’s access to health care and legal representation in the U.S.” Rich leaned all the way across the table and got in her face and asked, “What planet are you from, lady?” Needless to say, those people didn’t sit at our table again.
Have you started nursing school yet? Or did the pandemic get in the way? Anyway, I hope you are all well and healthy.
Hi Judy. It’s good to hear from you and thank you for continuing to read and support my blog. Thanks for sharing about your late husband’s experience, and yours. Since we learned of my husband’s many TBIs received in-service and when I look back upon when I met him, it is interesting to consider the compensatory measures he also put into place on his own. Like the list making for your husband, John has always done similar things to allow him to function through life, such as setting an egg timer for 30-minutes so he could complete a task.
I have started nursing school. I am 3 or so weeks away from finishing my first full semester, with 5 classes under my belt. It’s been going well and I am enjoying being a student again. Although, it will be nice to be finished so that I can move on to my new career.