A telltale sign of a TBI is forgetfulness. This leaves the caretaker with the added responsibility of not only remembering their own to do list but that of their TBI loved one as well. Thank heavens for smart phones, calendars, timers, and whiteboards – am I right?
Tonight after dinner, Eva and I were putting together a newly arrived KiwiCo project. (An amazing STEM based company by the way.) We were in our bedroom. John was unwinding, laying down on the bed viewing his iPad. We were doing our own things but occasionally interacting.
John got my attention and said to me, “Well, I had a TBI moment and accidentally bought you more birthday presents than I had intended.” My response, “Well, okay. Yay for me!” (Only just slightly kidding on my response.)
Come to find out, he’d purchased a gift last week in preparation for my upcoming birthday. Then, he went on a fishing and camping trip. Eva and I joined him for the weekend and we got home late Sunday night. We all had a great time. On Sunday, our last day there, we spent too long on the water. We had meant to set the timer so that we would have time to put the boat away and still give John his rest time before the drive home; but, John had forgotten and I thought he’d done so. It was 2 hours past his rest time by the time we were ready to hit the road. Eva and I left after John assured me he would be driving to the next town and then pulling over to rest in the camper before finishing his drive home. About an hour away from home (the lake being 3.5 hours away) I figured it was okay to call him, thinking he would be up from his nap by then. Well, come to find out he skipped a nap, took a Modafinil, and was actually ahead of us because Eva and I had stopped for some dinner. Needless to say, he was exhausted when he got home.
The next day, he got Eva to daycare and made it to a doctor’s appointment then came home and flopped, ending up sleeping for 4 hours. As he returned to bed after dinner he said in an exasperated tone, “I’m still trying to wake up!” He looked bone tired. I was not surprised by his need for sleep and rest and limited energy but he was. This is a common thing. The person with a TBI often believes they can get up and have a day like they had pre-injury. Being shocked, depressed, and sometimes angry when they can’t and crash and burn instead. It is a brutal reminder to the person with a TBI that, yes, they are still injured. As John says, “It’s the gift that just keeps on giving.”
To get back to my story, because of the lack of sleep and disruption to his routine, John had forgotten that he had already bought a gift for me and bought another. At least this time he didn’t double buy the same gift, which happened at Christmas last year. I suggested after he told me of his “TBI moment” that he should save the extra birthday gift as a Christmas gift instead. He shrugged in a dismissive sort of way.
He will likely give me both gifts for my birthday. Not that I’m complaining. He has a point though. If he tries to save them, by the time December arrives, he will have not only forgotten he bought those gifts; but worse, where he hid them.
TBI Spouse (and Others) 
Hey, double gifts? Never question double gifts.