In my last post, “TBI Moment = Birthday Bliss,” I wrote about forgetfulness. Over the past week, I have ruminated on the other ways forgetfulness impacts my life, and John’s of course. By extension, I think most other caretakers will be able to relate.
Just yesterday, I went into the kitchen and saw that the milk had been left on the counter. John had forgotten to put it away. This time, I caught it before it spoiled and half a gallon of milk had to be tossed. I could go on about other times I have found the eggs in the cabinet with the plates or the ice cream in the cooler.
Sometimes it gets tiring being the keeper of all things in the house. And the declutter’er. A constant question from both my daughter and husband is, “Do you know where the ______ is?” What’s really annoying is that I generally do know and in explicit detail.
John is perpetually leaving coffee cups all over the place. He forgets they are on the bedside table or the bathroom counter or by the gym equipment. He leaves water bottles in his car and wonders later why we always run out or can’t find them. This usually ends in his buying of more reusable water bottles. It’s such a waste. He also blames others for the loss of things. Sometimes this blame is justified. We do have a 5 yr old who likes to collect things like a raccoon and secret them away. Or, I do get lazy and borrow a screwdriver without returning it to the toolbox. But, at other times it is no one else’s fault.
Tonight, he was on his way out the door. He wanted beans as a side for dinner and got the InstaPot going before he left. By the time we were sitting down for dinner, he realized that we couldn’t have beans because he had forgotten to put the beans in the pot. He had pressure cooked chicken broth. He admitted he was trying to multitask at the time he was cooking. Never a good idea. We laughed it off. We will have beans tomorrow.
There are times when it’s frightening. It is usually my responsibility to pick up Eva from daycare. Occasionally, John will get her though. This usually happens as a surprise with John calling me mid-day and letting me know. So, it is out of the routine. I will usually text or call John on my way home to ensure he has remembered to do this. He hasn’t ever forgotten but it’s always something I worry about. There are times when I don’t call to check, drive all the way home and then ask if he has remembered. He will tease me and act like he forgot. It never fails to raise my blood pressure and for a few seconds launch into total go mode. I finally told him the other day how much I hate it when he teases about it. I’m hoping he won’t do it again.
He said something endearing the other night that goes a long way in making it all tolerable. He had first lost his soda but found it. Thirty minutes later he lost his phone. I smirked about it and mentioned that he was more forgetful than normal. He said, “That’s why I spoil you so much. I know if I lose you; you’ll come back to me.” My sweetheart. Come to find out, he’d left his phone on top of the laptop which I had moved en masse without really being aware of everything I was moving. We’d found it but it was irritating to be blamed when I had been trying to be helpful by moving it all.
My job in all this is to try to pick up the slack and to not get too frustrated if things are missed or plans need to be altered. I often self-talk and say, “Self, this isn’t a big deal. Don’t sweat the small things.” Most of the time, at least at this point, his forgetfulness is of little things.
TBI Spouse (and Others) 